The Curious Case Of Having a Face With Subtitles
Consider this article a support group for those who are a victim of this condition and for those who happen to have a perfectly healthy relationship with their face, enjoy our suffering
Franz Kafka once said, “I was ashamed of myself when I realized life was a costume party, and I attended with my real face.” Well then people with expressive faces can be considered a complete disgrace in comparison to him, as their face attends this costume party wearing naked thoughts. Now for those of you who are completely unfamiliar with the concept of having a face with subtitles, it is a condition where your face unconsciously reveals your inner feelings through expressions. These raw expressions are the best way to ruin all hopes of surviving
normally pretentious social scenarios. It’s a condition where your face cosplays the unfiltered kid asking the pregnant lady, “why did you eat a baby”.
A face with subtitles is the epitome of intrapersonal betrayal. The ghost pepper-like facial expressions make sure that sugarcoating doesn’t come near them. Teachers who say that they can recognise what a student is thinking through their years of experience, won’t get that credit in this context as due to this condition even first graders can guess the thoughts of the victims. It’s like spilling ‘hot tea’ all over yourself both literally and figuratively.
People with a subtitled face are always almost on the verge of being banished from their social circle as their faces are known to commit heinous crimes like smiling while witnessing an argument, visibly repulsing an idea, look utterly disinterested in a conversation and looking visibly shook after hearing gossip which results in coming across remarks like “What are you smiling about amidst a heated argument?” “You can just say you don’t like my idea, you don’t look like you have eaten a karela“, “I know the gossip is good but you don’t need to tell the whole world that”.
Unfortunately the world we live in doesn’t allow individuals to sue their faces for giving out insider information and guess what ‘first hand embarrassment due to your face’ is not a punishable offence!
And here we were hoping for utopia.
Some more common phrases a person with this unidentified medical condition comes across are,
“Fix your face”
“Your face, it’s doing that thing again”
“Close your mouth”
“Why do you look like someone’s dead”,
“I can sense your smile from a mile away” ,
” I’m going to tell you something but before that cover your face”
“We JUST talked about being subtle with our expression”
“What’s so funny about the political and economical state of the world”
“Ewww stop showing us what you think”, etc etc etc.
In a world which is famous for ‘never letting them know your next move’, how unlucky can a person be to have a face that gives out a powerpoint presentation of their five year plans. The concept of a ‘poker face’ is wiped out of all their dictionaries and it is most certainly obvious that they would end up bankrupt if they ever tried to play poker. Their face is the literal definition of an open book. I as a fellow sufferer describe this experience as “I wanted to be a poem, calm and mysterious but my faced forced me to be a 20 season soap opera”
Having a face ‘rich’ with expressions is like spoiling the entire movie in the first 5 seconds, the story gets over before you pop a popcorn in your mouth.
Having social interactions with a face having a mind of its own is absolutely dreadful. Being conscious of your facial expressions consumes a lot of battery and it is an art that requires an insane amount of discipline and hardwork. So for the religious believers of both ‘bed-rot’ and ‘brain-rot’, social situations are just as dangerous as a minefield!
It is a constant cycle of turning into a zombie after trying to visually laugh at a lame joke, look extremely interested in a small talk, make sure you look like you understand the professor, not judge something that is absolutely worth judging and even after this, it is successfully accomplished, the visual reflection of nervousness and awkwardness during the search for a significant other will make sure that you die single.
Having a face that has a heart to heart talk with literally everyone surprisingly has a few plus points as well. Your face becomes the torch bearer of honest opinions which some people really appreciate. Having a face with no filters means that all of your friends accept and love the unfiltered version of you even if it means getting second hand embarrassment. With time you learn to adapt to your facial expressions and own them, which is a crucial step for self acceptance. A face with subtitles comes with a plethora of disadvantages but it makes sure that you don’t shy away from your imperfectly authentic and raw feelings and soon enough you get used to the embarrassment as well.
Perhaps, in a society so skilled at masking its true feelings, the “face with subtitles” isn’t a curse, but a rare, unfiltered glimpse into the beautiful, awkward, and undeniably human experience of simply being ourselves, embarrassment and all. So, fellow sufferers, embrace the soap opera that is your face – the world might just be tuning in for the raw, unscripted drama.
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