What Happens When Men Can't Feel?
Men used to go to wars, look at them now—drinking strawberry milkshakes and waiting for you to make the first move.
You might think, what’s wrong with this ‘meme’? Umm, only everything honey. The idea that past generations of men were somehow more ‘manly’ just because they had to endure war, suffering, and emotional suppression is the exact problem we’re talking about. Being forced into war isn’t a flex—it’s a tragedy.
Or picture this: You pour your heart out to a man, expecting the bare minimum – a reaction! Instead? Silence. Maybe a nod. At best, a weird pat on the shoulder, and a meaningless Instagram motivational quote. And snap, just like that, you’re back to
your vicious cycle of overthinking; Does he even care?
Mard ko toh dard nahi hota, right? Any normal human being is supposed to experience a very normal emotion called pain. But have men ever been normal? Let’s not go there…so experience losing someone dearly and instead of grieving, you give a macho, forced grinning nod to everyone and just move on with life. How inhumane does that sound? Many of you must have seen your fathers, brothers, and husbands be there and do that. This is the script that we’ve been given. Right? Girls are emotional, and boys are strong.
We get it. Feelings are scary. But so is suppressing them until they explode in the form of outrage, substance abuse, or breakups! And you will still keep wondering, where did all go wrong? You were the wrong; the wrong choice of her. Bottling up emotions isn’t strength; it’s a pressure cooker waiting to burst. The inability to express sadness or vulnerability often results in anger—because that’s the one emotion men are allowed to show without society side-eyeing them. For them, sadness, fear, or grief never got a seat at the table.
Suppressing emotions fuels toxic masculinity, (they don’t even know what that means) leading to overcompensation in dominance, aggression, and arrogance. In the twisted logic of toxic masculinity, being emotionally stunted is somehow an achievement. It redirects emotions into unhealthy coping mechanisms like drinking, reckless behaviour, and turning themselves into giant gym freaks, cuz hey at least I’m a huge human being right?
Welcome to the unofficial guide on How to Be Emotionally Dead Inside:
- Never, under any circumstances, admit you’re struggling. Instead, just say “I’m fine” while slowly disintegrating inside.
- If someone asks how you feel, deflect with sarcasm or a joke—bonus points if you say, “Feelings? What are those.”
- If emotions start creeping in, drown them in caffeine, alcohol, or an unhealthy obsession with work or the gym.
- If a friend opens up to you, respond with “That’s crazy, bro,” then immediately change the subject.
- Never, ever seek therapy. Just suppress everything until it manifests as chronic back pain and unexplained rage.
Justin Baldoni, an American Actor-Director once said and I genuinely quote, “I’ve been pretending to be a man that I’m not my entire life. I’ve been pretending to be strong when I felt weak, confident when I felt insecure and tough when really I was hurting. I think for the most part I’ve just been kind of putting on a show, but I’m tired of performing.
And I can tell you right now that it is exhausting trying to be man enough for everyone all the time.”
Okay, enough about them. But why should women face the consequences of their suppressed emotions? A boyfriend for whom you have to act like his therapist half the time and who never acts soft, a brother who was never allowed to cry and wear pink, a father who never discussed his money problems with you, and the list keeps going on…will only make you think – what are these creatures made of, rocks?!
Just imagine, how would it feel to keep your very normal – emotionally available side off while interacting with the other half of the total population. Frustrating, I could say, the least.
We know men who would rather die than tell another man that they’re hurting. But it’s not because they’re just all, like, strong silent types. It’s not. A lot of men are good at making friends and talking, just not about anything real.
Locker room talks? Politics? Money? Sports? Sex? Yes, we are so in!
But why, why do these idiots don’t open up? The answer? A mix of bad advice, bad role models, and a society that treats male vulnerability like a glitch in the system. From childhood, men are fed a diet of “man up,” “boys don’t cry,” and “stop acting like a girl.” Expressing emotions is seen as weak. It’s important for us women at this point honestly, for men to recognize that emotional expression is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Pop culture doesn’t help either. Male heroes? Six packed & emotionless. Dancing up to songs like Pinky hai paise walon ki, and idolising Kabir Singh. And let me remind you, we live in a world where movies like Animal are made, which literally, and simply translates for a man to become one. How did we accept that as a society?
Social media? Doesn’t exactly reward men who are open about their feelings. Show emotion online, and you’re termed gay, and let’s not get into the level of illiteracy & stupidity of it. Meanwhile, if a guy posts an aggressive gym flex with a caption like Pain is temporary, gains are forever, the internet collectively bows down like he just discovered fire. The double standard is real.
Remember when a clip of Tom Holland discussing mental health surfaced? The internet was divided between praise and “Spider-Man crying? Not my hero.”
Here’s where it all begins: the household. Parents—especially fathers—play a crucial role in shaping how boys handle emotions. If a boy grows up never seeing his father express emotions, he learns that’s just “how men are.” If every attempt at expressing sadness is met with “shake it off,” he internalizes the idea that emotions are a burden rather than a natural part of life.
Mothers play a role too, though often unintentionally. If a mother is the sole emotional caregiver while the father remains emotionally distant, boys might associate emotional expression with femininity. And in a society that still teaches boys to reject anything even remotely “feminine,” that’s a problem. By the time they reach adulthood, many men have already built a fortress around their emotions. And breaking that down? Not easy. But not impossible either. But who’s gonna initiate change now?
The first step is awareness. If you recognize yourself in any of this, congratulations—you’re officially self-aware.
Now do something about it. Therapy isn’t a scam, journaling won’t kill you, and, believe it or not, talking about your feelings doesn’t make you any less of a man. And if you know someone struggling with this? Give them space, but also let them know emotional expression isn’t a crime. Because in the end, emotions aren’t the enemy. Suppressing them is.
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